Thursday, September 18, 2008
I keep wondering when I will be "normal" again. I belong to a message board for those of us that have gone through a pregnancy loss. These ladies have been absolutely wonderful. A post came up the other day with someone asking if they will ever feel "normal" again. A few of the girls responded "no". It got me thinking. What if I don't ever feel normal again? I know right now I am not. I see EVERYTHING differently now. Simple billboards or going shopping for groceries will never be the same. I see parents mistreating their children and where as before it would make me mad, now I feel mad, sad, tears, and the need to slap the parents for all that they have. There is another teacher at work whose due date is two days after mine. I litterally had to sit in an assembly with her for an hour today and I wanted to cry the whole time. I did hold a baby yesterday, which was a big step for me. I mean no one had to scoop me up off of the floor. No other situation has made me realize how much I need my husband. Things that he would have done that made me mad before the miscarriage, now do not matter. I have to hold out hope that eventually I will feel better. If I don't hold this hope, I have a very bleak outlook. But "normal" is not me right now.