So this week, I decided it was time for me to pick up the weights at the gym again. It will really help me with my running, make me gain muscle and most importantly I miss it. So I lifted weights on Tuesday. I squatted, did push ups, step ups, seated rows, and jackknifes. So Wednesday I was sore. My legs especially. Really sore. I tried to run it out. It helped a little. But I am walking around really stiff legged. Walking up stairs and bending down hurt. At this point you are like "what does this have to do with anything?" Don't worry..I am painting you a picture, people.
If you are a mom you know what I am about to refer to. If you are not a mom yet...listen, read, learn.
When you have a toddler, you have 2 options when entering a grocery store. 1) Put them on your hip, run in, get a few things, leave. 2) You put them in a buggy..which takes a ton of time to get them settled. They cry..you redirect...offer food...point out animals..it takes a ton of time..after that 15 minutes is over, you had better be in a for a long trip or else it isn't worth it.
Today I chose the hip/holding hand option and a basket.
Got meat from the deli..done..onto yogurt..."No Aiden, you can't run, hold mommy's hand"...
Then in as in a classic toddler video we plop down on the floor at the grocery store kicking, screaming, rubbing his back on the floor. 2 options again...let Aiden get Hepatitis B and C from the grocery store floor or pick him up..ok.. pick him up..ouch drop basket..ouch purse falls on floor... get hit... then a nice man comes over to help me pick up all my items as Aiden pulls my hair so hard it looks like I got a bad face lift. Screw the yogurt...leave... with my head held high and old ladies giving the side eye. Stiff legged.
We go home. I go to the pantry to get out the bread for lunch and knock over a glass jar of salsa all over my foot, and pieces of glass fly everywhere. "No Aiden, you can't play in the "chards o'glass salsa".
Now we begin to wail..
I pick up what is left of the jar and a toddler pulls and pushes on me to pick him up. I drop the jar for a second time. I let out a loud grunt.
Aiden decides mommy needs a time out...and leaves the room.
So my dear husband when you come home and wonder in your head (because you are so wonderful you would never say it aloud) why the house looks the way it does..I had 2 options during nap time 1) Take a shower and write this blog post 2) clean.
The day before Grandpa's memorial service, Jay took Grandpa's car to get cleaned. He brought it back and I got in the car to drive it and cried. There were so many things that flooded my thoughts when I got into that car.
Grandpa only owned Lincoln Town Cars. He even bought the last model year that they made them because it was his last chance to buy a new one.
I learned to drive in one of Grandpa's town cars.
Those big leather chairs and roomy interior just embody my cuddly Grandpa. As I got out of the car, there was a penny in the driver seat. I saw it as a sign from my Grandpa that he was there with me. That penny now resides in my wallet and most days I check to make sure it is still there.
Talking to Grandma today she told me it that it was really weird, because she kept finding "darn pennies" randomly around the house. And she thinks of my penny story everytime she finds one. She also said that she woke up the other morning with the song "Pennies from Heaven" in her head and couldn't get it out.
A long time ago A million years BC The best things in life Were absolutely free. But no one appreciated A sky that was always blue. And no one congratulated A moon that was always new. So it was planned that they would vanish now and them And you must pay before you get them back again. That's what storms were made for And you shouldn't be afraid for Every time it rains it rains Pennies from heaven. Don't you know each cloud contains Pennies from heaven. You'll find yor fortune falling All over town. Be sure that your umbrella is upside down. Trade them for a package of sunshine and flowers. If you want the things you love You must have showers. So when you hear it thunder Don't run under a tree. There'll be pennies from heaven for you and me
I am not writing this post to have you feel sorry for me. Not to get condolences. But to tell you about my thoughts about how it was all meant to be. I am an open person, might as well share this too.
December 23, 2010 we got a little surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test. We were excited, but scared, of course. Wondering why in the world God would bless us with this surprise at this moment. My grandparent's health was declining, even to the point of not coming to Christmas. Which if you know my grandma, you know she lives for getting together at Christmas. So it was a big deal that she couldn't come. As Jay and I began to think about our new little surprise, I of course started to think of names. I told Jay that I really wanted to name our future child after my grandparents. Specifically, if it was a boy I wanted to name him after my grandpa. And if it was a girl I wanted to use their last name for her name. Jay loved the idea. So a couple of days before my first doctors appointment, I called my grandparents and told them that I was expecting and that I wanted to name the child after them. This made my grandpa cry. I have never heard him cry before. It was a perfect conversation. I told them while they were both on the phone how much they had meant to me over the years and that I loved them. At the doctor's appointment it was discovered that this pregnancy would be my second miscarriage.
6 days later my grandpa passed away in the middle of the night. In my grief I started to take comfort in memories. Then I thought about our last conversation. Our last perfect conversation. I still don't know why the pregnancy didn't last. But I do know that through this pregnancy, I had an opportunity to let my grandpa know exactly what he meant to me. Had it now been for that, I probably would have continued along with my everyday life, not taking the time to stop and tell someone how much they mean to me. And I am so thankful for that moment. It was all meant to be.
When I was pregnant I wanted to cloth diaper. At the time, every single daycare I spoke with said "Nope, we only do disposable". Grr...At the time since daycare was the plan, I gave in and decided to go with disposable. Then 36 weeks pregnant...we find out we are moving....38 weeks pregnant...Aiden arrives...Anytime between August 25th and January 2010 became a blurr. I was knee deep in a newborn, adjusting to being a stay at home mom, and using disposables.
So the time has come where I am going to ditch the disposables and go to cloth! I went to a baby store in downtown Richmond today that sells cloth diapers. I bought 2 and I am going to begin testing this process. Of course I will need many more than 2, but I just want to get a taste of what this is like before I buy a ton of cloth diapers. Not only will it better for the environment, but it will save us money in the long run. I am super excited about this decision and I really hope it works out for us.
-"Today I am pregnant and I love my baby." --"I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise." --"My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c." --"Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you." We all know m/c and complications are not contagious! -- "Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot ‘jinx’ your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive! --And this is the hardest one: "There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (gods forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive."