Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Joy and frustration

Again, how is it possible I have a nine month old?? The time is flying by.

Nine months ago I left the hospital and felt good about the way I looked. I mean, I thought "oh yeah...I look good for a woman who just had a baby" I was proud of my post-partum figure.

Fast forward nine months and I am beyond frustrated with my figure, the scale, my daily eating, and working out. They always say to you...."It took 9 months to put on the weight, it will take you that long to get it off." Well, 9 months later it is still lingering.

Around March I got serious about eating better and trying to loose the weight. I also started working out again. It was hard, but I did it. I got back in the gym with thoughts of fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I bought a scale to monitor my weight and got a wonderful trainer who kicks my butt every week. Jay ended up having to take the scale away from me after I would weigh myself sometimes twice daily. So instead of stressing out about the number on the scale, I continued what I was doing and tried not to pay attention to how much weight I was loosing. Then I foolishly got on the scale at the gym the other day. And it did not budge at all. Tears started welling up and I got a lump in my throat. One of my best friends reminded me that I was building muscle.

When I look at Aiden and spend time with him, I realize that I am truly happy. Never in my life have I been this happy and fulfilled. But, it is difficult for me to realize that I made poor eating choices when I was pregnant and I am solely responsible for those decisions.

Some people ask when Jay and I will have another baby. My immediate thought is "Never!! I am not doing this to my body again!" Yes, it is selfish. Very selfish. Which obviously proves that I am not ready for another baby. Hopefully, next time I will remember my previous pregnancy errors and it won't be so bad.

As I started this post I went back to find pictures to compare what I looked like before I started working out and now. Yes, there is a difference. But, I want more!! That is just me.

March 2010

June 2010

1 comment:

Jaimie Lee Reda said...

FACT: I think you look great.

And do you remember how hard it was and how much discipline it took for you lose all your weight? The difference now is -- you have a child that needs your attention. But you're moving in the right direction, sister? I think you're looking good! So take that for what it's worth!